Let Love & Faithfulness Outlast the Marriage

Nurture your marriage. Marriage does not automatically grow and mature by itself. Like to a garden plant, it has to be nurtured—conscientiously. So fence it, water it and cultivate it in a tender and caring manner. Anchor on solid ground and let it receive sunlight.  

“Marriage is not something you try. It is something you do. And you either do it well or you don’t,” said Terry Owens in his book Extreme Marriage (Colorado: Waterbrook Press, 2005, p. 7).  So learn about love and faithfulness, how to love more effectively and completely. At the moment only a few people do. Perhaps this explains why we fail in initiating and sustaining love-relationships, and reel from betrayed trust, manipulative friendships, irresponsible parenthood, marital infidelity, broken marriages, Machiavellian employers…

<On this sour note, please lobby for love and faithfulness to be included in the school curricula. It would greatly help all of us. See tips on how to nurture your marriage at the end of this chapter.>

Nurture your marriage together. The marital load becomes lighter when two carry it.

⁹ Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. ¹⁰ If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and falls, it’s just too bad because there’s no one to help him. ¹¹ If it is cold, two can sleep together and stay warm, but how can you keep warm by yourself? ECCLESIASTES 4 tev

What sets apart the Christian couple? Sticking it out together through difficult, stressful times. Keeping their commitment to forever be soul mates—even at times when they might not like each other very much. Making their love for one another prevail and triumph over the disappointments, disagreements, misunderstandings and hurts that come to visit their marriage. Making their anger pass away more quickly. Learning from mistakes and making the necessary changes. Kissing the other out of a bad dream. Lending a hand to the weak and protecting the vulnerable. Comforting, inspiring and encouraging the desolate, the heartbroken, the ailing. Being there for one another through ups and downs, through easy choices and difficult decisions.  Never forgetting that God can see them through anything.

Settle the fact that you’ve made your choice of whom to marry and you’re no longer looking for anyone else. In the course of your marriage, you could be attracted to other persons. It’s normal, but don’t flirt. Don’t even think about it (Matthew 5:28). Flirting can easily end up in adultery. Consider its terrible consequences.

⁴ Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure. HEBREWS 13

¹³ No wound is as serious as wounded love. No troubles are as serious as the troubles that women cause. SIRACH 25

² Do not surrender your dignity to any woman. ³ Keep away from other men’s wives or they will trap you. ⁴ Don’t keep company with female musicians; they will trick you. ⁵ Don’t look too intently at a virgin, or you will find yourself forced to pay a bride price. ⁶ Don’t give yourself to prostitutes or you may lose everything you own. ⁷ So don’t go looking about in the streets or wandering around in the run-down parts of town. ⁸ When you see a good-looking woman, look the other way; don’t let your mind dwell on the beauty of any woman who is not your wife. Many men have been led astray by a woman’s beauty. It kindles passion as if it were fire. ⁹ Don’t sit down to eat with another man’s wife or join her for a drink. You may give in to the temptation of her charms and be destroyed by your passion. SIRACH 9

⁸ A drunken woman is an infuriating sight; she can’t conceal her shameless behavior. SIRACH 26

²¹ Don’t try to win a woman because she is wealthy. SIRACH 25

²¹ Do not be taken in by a woman’s beauty, never lose your head over a woman. ECCLESIASTICUS 25

²⁵ Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes. PROVERBS 6 

³ The lips of another man’s wife may be as sweet as honey and her kisses as smooth as olive oil, ⁴ but when it is all over, she leaves you nothing but bitterness and pain. ⁵ She will take you down to the world of the dead; the road she walks is the road to death. ⁶ She does not stay on the road to life; but wanders off, and does not realize what is happening. ⁷ Now, listen to Me, sons, and never forget what I am saying. ⁸ Keep away from such woman! Don’t even go near her door! ⁹ If you do, others will gain the respect that you once had, and you will die young at the hands merciless people. ¹⁰ Yes, strangers will take away all your wealth, and what you have worked for will belong to someone else. ¹¹ You will lie groaning on your deathbed, your flesh and muscles being eaten away, ¹² and you will say, “Why would I never learn? Why would I never let anyone correct me? ¹³ I wouldn’t listen to my teachers. I paid no attention to them. ¹⁴ And suddenly I found myself publicly disgraced.” ¹⁵ Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone. ¹⁶ Children that you have by other women will do you no good. ¹⁷ Your children should grow up to help you, not strangers. ¹⁸ So be happy with your wife and find your joy with the woman you married— ¹⁹ pretty and graceful as a deer. Let her charms keep you happy; let her surround you with her love. PROVERBS 5 tev  

²⁶ A man can hire a prostitute for the price of a loaf of bread, but adultery will cost him all he has. ²⁷ Can you carry fire against your chest without burning your clothes? ²⁸ Can you walk on hot coals without burning your feet? ²⁹ It is just as dangerous to sleep with another man’s wife. Whoever does it will suffer. ³⁰ People don’t despise a thief if he steals food when he is hungry; ³¹ yet if he is caught, he must pay back seven times more—he must give up everything he has. ³² But a man who commits adultery doesn’t have any sense [he lacks judgment]. He is just destroying himself. ³³ He will be dishonored and beaten up; he will be permanently disgraced. ³⁴ A husband is never angrier than when he is jealous; his revenge knows no limits. ³⁵ He will not accept any payment; no amount of gifts will satisfy his anger. PROVERBS 6 tev 

²⁶ My son, give Me your heart and let your eyes keep to My ways, ²⁷ for a prostitute is a deep pit and a wayward wife is a narrow well. ²⁸ Like a bandit she lies in wait and multiplies the unfaithful among men. PROVERBS 23

¹³ You drown the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and wailing because He no longer accepts the offerings you bring Him. ¹⁴ You ask why He no longer accepts them. It is because He knows you have broken your promise to the wife you married when you were young. She was your partner, and you have broken your promise to her, although you promised before God that you would be faithful to her. ¹⁵ Didn’t God make you one body and spirit with her? What was His purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God’s people. So make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife. ¹⁶ “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Isra’el. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. [Therefore guard your passions!] Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife.” MALACHI 2 tev  

²⁶ I found something more bitter than death—the woman who is like a trap. The love she offers will catch you like a net, and her arms around will hold you like a chain. A man who pleases God can get away, but she will catch the sinner. ECCLESIASTES 7 tev