Husband & Wife Relationship

Marriage is a worldwide custom, practiced within different societies and cultures. Even isolated tribal groups know of it and practice it. That is because God is its author. Man was crated to love and be loved, he had to be in a relationship, so God created woman and instituted marriage, for the two to become one.

Love and faithfulness is the kingdom way of life. Marriage is a training and testing ground in love and faithfulness. If we do not adapt to it on earth, we will be a misfit in heaven and barred from it. For if we cannot love and be faithful to a spouse we can see, how can we love and be faithful to a Spouse we cannot see?

Two Kinds of Marriage

Marriage can be classified into two: that which God has put together and that which God has not.

Which is put together by God: the one that is licensed by a State? the one solemnized by a priest or pastor? the one presided over by the town mayor or judge? It is the marriage that has His imprimatur. The couple secured it before the union, during the betrothal period. They asked for a clear confirmation if the union would be acceptable to Him, and after confirmation was begotten, they dedicated the union and prayed for His blessing, that it might have a happy beginning and a happy ending. Needless to say, love for one another was present before the wedding, not after the wedding. The marriage was welded by love, not by any other motivation.

The marriage that lacks any one of the three elements—presence of love before the wedding, marriage motivated by love, and God’s approval—is not put together by God. Marrying for money, marrying to satisfy parental or peer pressure, marrying to gain foreign citizenship or entry visa to another country, marrying to legalize a lust or sexual attraction or obsession, marrying to justify pregnancy, marrying for companionship—marriages such as these lack presence of love before the wedding and are not motivated by love. They violate two instructions—Do everything in love and Have no other gods before Me—and therefore are sinful. God does not participate in anything sinful. Do not expect Him to approve sinful marriages.

Divorce

The sinful marriage may be divorced but not the marriage that God has put together. Sinful marriage is one instance of man telling God, “My will be done.” The union may outlast the couple, but being sinful in nature, it is null and void from the beginning in the sight of God. It’s as if the couple was never married.

³ Some Pharisees came to Y’shua to test Him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” ⁴ “Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that at the beginning the Creator made them man and woman ⁵ and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” ⁷ “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” ⁸ Y’shua replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” MATTHEW 19

Take note: What God has put together, let no man put asunder is a command, imperative for the couple, their in-laws, relatives, friends and neighbors to obey.

Although Moses permitted divorce, it was not the design of God. Marriage was instituted so that both husband and wife would discipline themselves in love and faithfulness, and stay bonded for life, the prevailing circumstances confronting them notwithstanding. Only if the marriage was defiled or desecrated by marital infidelity could it be discontinued and divorced (Matthew 5:32).

³¹ It has been said, Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. ³² I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. MATTHEW 5

⁹ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. MATTHEW 19 

¹⁰ To the married [God] gives this command: A wife must not separate from her husband. ¹¹ But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband… ³⁹ A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, then she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 1 CORINTHIANS 7 

¹² If she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. MARK 10

Marital infidelity refers to adultery, which according to Scripture could pertain to any one of these instances: (1) the married having sex with someone not his or her spouse; (2) the married marrying again while his or her spouse is still alive; and (3) the married lusting for someone not his or her spouse.  

²⁷ You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. ²⁸ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. MATTHEW 5

Sterility, desertion, and insanity were grounds for divorce under the Jewish law, but not anymore under the law of Christ.

¹⁰ The disciples said to Him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” ¹¹ Y’shua replied, “Not everyone can accept this Word, but only those to whom it has been given.” MATTHEW 19

Why is the ground for divorce limited to marital infidelity? In the sight of God, an unfaithful spouse is no different to a dead spouse. Both are dead. 

³ God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.” GENESIS 20