HOW TO NURTURE YOUR MARRIAGE

Start each day with a kiss. Touch and hold hands. Don’t take your spouse and marriage for granted. They won’t always be there. We speak from experience.

Keep your love and romance new and alive and spontaneous. Don’t be a bore or a drag. Enjoy your spouse and marriage while they are there. You love your spouse and you know he or she loves you, so keep on loving one another. Date once a week. Set up a romantic getaway. Watch sunsets together. Always do things to make the other one feel loved.

Keep on loving even if your spouse does something amiss. God is full of unfailing love and faithfulness for us (1 John 1:14 nlt)—even if we are amiss in our love-relationship with Him (Matthew 5:45).

Determine how best to apply biblical guidelines to your marriage. The guidelines won’t change, but the specifics of how you apply them over time will as you, your spouse, your family and life circumstances change. And if the Word of God is not the basis for the judgment you make, what is? The values you have will determine the judgments you have. And the judgments you make will ultimately determine the quality of your marriage. <Terry Owens, Extreme Marriage (Colorado: Waterbrook Press, 2005), p. 13>

Add humor into your life. Laugh together. Have fun!

Communicate. Listen. Encourage. Talk about things the way you would talk to a friend. Update one another on what’s happening in the family, at school and at work. Share things that you find inspiring or edifying. Share your most important secrets. Talk about dreams. Talk even about the little stuff. Ask your spouse’s opinion. Husband and wife are supposed to be best friends.  

Do what your spouse wants before being asked. Respond quickly to his or her requests.

Be in agreement about how your money is spent. Work at your family budget together. Consult with your spouse before making any big financial decision. And in the consultation process, listen intently to what he or she says and respect his or her point of view. Don’t let money put a wedge between you.

Neglect the whole world rather than each other. At least twice a day say a kind or complimentary word to your life partner. Say “I love you” often and in different ways. Surprise each other with gifts of praise to show your love. Send him or her a card for no reason. Do the things that show your interest in your partner’s needs, desires and problems.

Share the chores around the house. Work together in achieving your goals. Look to each other for help. Don’t let your problems or concerns get out of hand and make you go opposite directions. You’re in this life together.

Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Talk out your differences. Show respect. Be positive. Listen objectively to each other as you would to a friend. Give each other the right to disagree. You don’t want anyone to control your feelings, so don’t try to own the feelings of the one you love. Remember that love grows in an atmosphere of freedom and trust, not from restraint and obligation.

Accept differences. Other people tend to complain of their personal differences with their spouses; they call it incompatibility. Yet husband and wife are purposed to complement one another. Your spouse has strengths that can manage and deal with your weaknesses and infirmities; conversely, you have strengths that can manage and deal with your spouse’s weaknesses and infirmities.

If your life partner did something to annoy you, don’t push your annoyance inside you. Tell him or her about it. It’s not healthy, especially to pile them up, for you might end up screaming or lunging violently at him or her.

Absolutely refuse to say anything negative about your life partner. Never bring up mistakes of the past. And never betray his or her secrets. If you must criticize him or her, do it lovingly.

Never both be angry at the same time. Remember it takes two to quarrel. When tempted with anger, ask yourself how you would want to be treated and then act accordingly. Don’t ever give up on your love.

If you’ve argued, never go to sleep with the argument unsettled. When you have done something wrong, admit it, apologize and ask for forgiveness. When offended, forgive.

Put the other one first. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate. Christian Monsod said on TV, in front of his wife, Winnie: “I have learned that marriage is a choice. Each time we argue, it is my choice to let her win.”

If you can help it, don’t ask, expect or allow your spouse to carry your share of the burden. You don’t grow that way and his or her growth will be stunted. It’s unfair to him or her and it does not please God.

Pray together when you wake up and before sleeping. Pray to Y’shua in times of crisis.

Be gentle. Slow down. Be tender. Know your mate’s needs. Ask: “What can I do to make you happier?”

End the day with a hug. Cuddle.