Choose the Right Partner

To the single Christians, we hope you get what impliedly is being said all along: Do not rush into marriage.

Before plunging into marriage, give it a serious thought whether you can serve God and please Him better if you stay unmarried.

¹² There are eunuchs who have made themselves that way for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can. MATTHEW 19 jb 

Eunuchs for heaven are the men and women who through Spirit-empowerment, set aside marital life and remain celibate (without sexual relation) throughout their lives, so they can serve God with undivided attention. 

²⁶ Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. ²⁷ Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. ²⁸ …Those who marry will face many troubles in life, and I want to spare you this. 1 CORINTHIANS 7

³² I want you to be free from worry. An unmarried man can spend [focus] his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please Him well. ³³ But a married man can’t do that so well; he has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. ³⁴ His interests are divided. It is the same with a girl that marries. She faces the same problem. A girl who is not married is anxious to please the Lord in all she is and does. But a married woman must consider other things such as housekeeping and the likes and dislikes of her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this to help you, not to try to keep you from marrying. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few other things as possible to distract your attention from Him. 1 CORINTHIANS 7 tlb

But not everyone has the discipline to be a eunuch.   

⁸ Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried. ⁹ But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion… ² Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 1 CORINTHIANS 7

¹³ [Younger widows] get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. ¹⁴ So I counsel [them] to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. 1 TIMOTHY 5

Marriage Prerequisites

If you cannot be a eunuch for heaven, know that marriage has prerequisites that must be complied with. If you do not comply with them, your marriage would be submitted for Lucifer to bless, not for God to bless. Also, it would mean either you or your spouse, or both of you, are misdirected and likely to be selfish. In the course of your union, the misdirection and selfishness would rear their heads. You and your children would end up being burdened with disillusionment, pain, disappointment, frustration, indifference and unhappiness.

Prerequisite No. 1:  Wait for the suitable partner God has created for you.

There is a suitable, perfect mate for every one. Wait for yours to come. Do not rush into marriage so that when he or she comes, you will not have to wish you have two hearts.

¹⁸ The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” GENESIS 2

Prerequisite No. 2:  Make sure you and your partner can face marital and parental responsibilities squarely.

Check for maturity. Once you get married, the demonic forces would rock the union periodically, to make you crack under pressure, break your marriage vow, and displease God. Without maturity, you would have extra difficulty in managing and surviving the rough times. 

Check if you have realistic notions of what you are getting into. Marital life is not always rosy and beautiful. There are times when your spouse would smell ugly, look ugly and behave ugly… when you would grow tired and weary of your marital and parental responsibilities, and feel like giving up on them… when you would feel betrayed and unfairly aggrieved… when money problems would rock the relationship…

Check if you could be the best of friends for life. A friend is a trustworthy ally, fully supportive of your interests and cares, always around in fun times and in rough times, ready to listen and give you honest, godly advice. In Hindu wedding tradition, the groom says to the bride, "With seven steps we have become friends. Let me reach your friendship. Let me not be severed from your friendship. Let your friendship not be severed from me."

Check whether your resolution of challenging situations is Word-based. 

Check whether you manage yourself responsibly. Because if you do not know how to manage yourself responsibly, how can you manage your future spouse and children responsibly?

Check for health problems. Submit to thorough physical, emotional and mental health examination. Make sure both of you are fit to meet the demands of marital life.

Check your money management. Responsible money management will help ensure the financial stability of your union.

Check if both of you are prepared for parental responsibilities. Parenting comes in the wake of marriage. Know about family planning. Know how to mold holiness, discipline and wisdom in your children. Know how to take care of their needs, how to be their playmate and confidante, and how to orient them on the realities of life, so that they could survive the tests of life, blend well in community life and be a productive contributor to society. The growing years of the children would mean ever-growing family expenses, so make sure you have a doable plan on how to meet them. Also, check if you are prepared for single parenting just in case…  

In buying a commodity, you make sure it has no flaws. Check for hidden flaws in your spouse-to-be. He or she might try to win you by showing only his or her good side; well, be careful. You will not want to marry a reckless spender, a gambler, a sloth, a goat, a big mouth, a liar, a manipulator, a tantrum, a hot-head, a lunatic or a promiscuous. Also, you will not want to marry someone whose motive in marrying you is not love. Uncover the flaws and point them out before marriage, while he or she has great eagerness to please you. If no correction is made before the wedding, do not believe there would be after the wedding.